Go Kitchens

If you have patience please read this story that I wrote. A bit long, but I wanna know what you think of it?

I know you'll love it. Please give me your opinions on this story, and if you have any suggestions, please say so.

Public Comments

1. How about you post your work on fictionpress.com? It's a really writer-friendly website, where you'll get opinions and reviews. Then you don't have to bother with putting the entire story on here.
2. I think it's a great start to a story. It needs a little tweaking here and there but otherwise it held my attention and I would like to read more.
3. Like most of the crap on here of this sort, it's not very good. Your little peers will fall all over themselves telling you how good it is, but let's face it, they don't know any more than YOU do about writing and what makes a good story. Trust me. It's not very good.
4. It's pretty good, although I do hav a few suggestions: 1. You jump into the part with the locket a little too quickly, putting too much emphasis on it. It makes the writing seem a bit hasty and immature. When reading, you can immediately tell that the locket is a vital part to the story, which you probably don't want to make too clear. Long story short, don't go into so much detail about it. Instead, make it seem a minor detail of her day and write as little as possible about it. If necessary, have her look at it again some other time to describe it in more detail. 2. You have repeated some words too many times, such as "her". Try not to do this. 3. Don't describe everything in too much detail, as this can give unwanted details and add length. If you do this too often, it can make your writing seem a little overdeveloped. Other than these few minor details, you have written a very nice piece. Keep up the good work!
5. good start i like it go on try to use more adjectives john